Creating this list was difficult; not in that it was challenging to scrape together twenty songs I’m embarrassed to admit owning, but in that I had to pare down the original quite-lengthy list! In my defense, I’d like to think I have some great music in my library, but I don’t need to name specific artists or groups to exemplify that belief (Otis Redding, Bob Marley, The Rolling Stones). Considering the songs are of equal…quality?…ranking them in order of best to worst (or, really, worst to best) would be too daunting of a task. Therefore, they are listed alphabetically by artist or group name.
1) Dr. Jones (Aqua) – The fact that I didn’t list the most well-known Aqua song, “Barbie Girl,” is a testament of my loyalty to the Danish-Norwegian pop group. Also to the embarrassment I feel at having more than just one Aqua song in my library.
2) Larger than Life (Backstreet Boys) – Listening to this song helps me feel larger than life, or at least larger than the Backstreet Boys. And by larger I mean better.
3) Back at One (Brian McKnight) – How can a girl my age not have this in her library? If only for nostalgia’s sake in remembering those high school dances of yore.
4) Overprotected (Britney Spears) – I have this song in my library in an attempt to support every Brittany in the world, even those whose parents misspelled their name.
5) I’m Alive – Dance Remix (Celine Dion) – Having a Celine Dion song in my library helps me feel like I’m keeping on good terms with our friendly neighbors to the north.
6) Ridin’ Dirty (Chamillionaire) – This song is an homage to my childhood. (It is about riding in a car that has been dirtied by the mud because it rains so much, right?).
7) Only God Knows Why (Kid Rock) – Really, only God knows why I have this song in my library. Kid Rock and his auto-tuned voice don’t even know why.
8) Girl on TV (LFO) – OMG. LOL at having LFO in my ITL. ROFL. LMFAO. Wait, different group. (And really, when will we stop turning everything into an acronym?)
9) Without You (Mariah Carey) – Where would I be without you, Mimi, and your skyscraper-high voice and oh-so-inspirational music taking up space on my hard drive?
10) Air Force Ones (Nelly) – Listening to this song reinforces the idea that anything is possible. Entire songs dedicated to overpriced shoes can help a rapper go platinum. A rap music video can be successful even if more screen time is devoted to shoe boxes than nearly-nude women. And, perhaps most noteworthy, wearing a band-aid on your cheek can be considered trendy.
11) Gotta Be Somebody (Nickelback) – The saddest part about having this song in my library is that it’s there at all, especially considering I heard it on repeat for twelve hours while working as an extra in a commercial.
12) Super Bass (Nicki Minaj) – I refuse to remove this song from my library until I can figure out who “the guy with the thing on his eye” is, and just what exactly is on his eye.
13) Straight Up (Paula Abdul) – Straight up, I really have this song in my library as a reminder of Paula before her days on American Idol. And under the influence. Although the latter is considerably more entertaining than her days as a singer and dancer.
14) Shorty Be Mine (Pretty Ricky) – Not only does this song speak to me on a number of levels, but it references the great(est, in all the world) R. Kelly. (See number 16).
15) Bad Boys for Life (Puff Daddy) – This song reminds me that it’s okay to have multiple identity crises and go through numerous name changes. As long as not one of them makes any sense.
16) The World’s Greatest (R. Kelly) – Why I have this song in my library is a no-brainer. Robert Sylvester Kelly is the world’s greatest. Okay, he actually threatened to urinate on me if I didn’t have at least one of his songs in my library. Just to appease him, I have two.
17) Fire Burning on the Dance Floor (Sean Kingston) – Somebody call 911, because clearly having this song in my library means my ear drums are busted or my brain is fried.
18) Hustler (Terrence Howard) – I refer to this song from time to time when I need advice on gambling, specifically playing craps.
19) Live Your Life (T.I. featuring Rihanna) – I keep this song around because it provides my daily foreign language study, though I’m still trying to work out exactly what “Miya hee, miya ho, miya hu, miya haha” really means.
20) Boom Boom Boom Boom (Venga Boys) – Few songs have received such highly varied remarks as this ditty. It has been labeled “the fifth worst ever summer song,” (which makes me wonder what the worst is), “their biggest hit yet,” a “spine-chilling teeny-pop chart hit,” one of the “top songs of 1999” and “as daft as the title.” Additionally, a furniture retailer reportedly used the song in a promotional campaign and saw sales increase by ten percent, while an internet viral game containing malware used to gain remote control of computers used the song to “torture” those whose computers had been attacked. Such a controversial song has to stay in my library for interest’s sake.
What are the most embarrassing songs in your collection? Let me know in the comments!